:(

seriously. i live in denial, and i know i do. i do such a great job doing it too, but then it all comes crumbling down on me and reality shows its ugly face the minute i talk to you. please stop, it's killing me.

you know what? to hell with all of you.

i'm sick and tired of being everyone's last priority. i never got the memo that when someone gets a boyfriend or girlfriend they forget their friends. yea? well to hell with every single one of you. i'm going to go hangout with people that actually care to spend time with me. have fun with your boyfriends/girlfriends and don't you dare come crying to me once they break your hearts. i am NOT a second choice. i'm done chasing after people. i'm not going to text any of you anymore, you want to see me? YOU pick up the phone and ask ME, because i refuse to put another ounce of effort into any of these relationships. this is what i get for making each one of you a priority in my life. bye.

ouch.

my heart hurts like hell.

hate.

i hate myself because i'm not as strong as i think i am.

i hate myself because i'm not as kind as i should be.

i hate myself because i'm no better than any other rotten teenager.

i hate myself for giving in to the system and all its pressure.

i hate myself for being the black sheep in this stupid family i can't cope with.

i hate myself because i can't live up to the expectations i put for myself.

i hate myself for not being as smart as i can be.

i hate myself because i don't push myself to do the things i want to.

i hate myself for giving myself so many excuses for everything.

i just hate myself.

oh. and i hate you for making me hate myself.